Trouble for Popeye

Sometimes there’s this knee-jerk blue-collar aversion to industry and it’s leaders. Whether it be oil, or Wal Mart… or porn. But it seems agribusiness hasn’t gotten the full level of shit it deserves.

See, I have a particular beef with Natural Selection Foods, and especially Earthbound Farm. I was getting mugged by two ninjas on steroids, who really wanted my iPod.

I did what any squinty eyed, robustly fore-armed, iPod loving sailor-man would do… I whipped out a can of spinach. Then one of the ninjas took a break from thrashing me to tell me not to eat it, it could contain E. coli. I ripped the can in half and shoved one down each their throats. Soon they were so concerned with their bloody diahrea that they forgot about my iPod. Amateurs.

Back to the problem at hand… which isn’t so much the deadly leafy greens. I’ve seen them as hazardous since I was a child. The problem is the New York Times’ lackluster info on this dilemma. Yes, I’ve got a beef with the Time’s website.

Here’s what I’d include alongside the article on the website. (Note: this is an assignment for class, so give me a break).

First, you have a video. Not of people with E. coli, but all the spinach that’s going to waste. Get some viral video of Costco dumping all of the spinach and baby greens it has. Have a video of a refrigerated tractor trailer stopping in it’s tracks, turning around and going home. Now that’s got some depth.

Have a diagram of the human body, with lines that branch out and tell you possible symptoms (cramping, bloody stool, etc.)

An audio slide-show tracking the path of the the spinach from the illegal worker’s hands to your supermarket would be nice too. Then can point out possible points of contamination.

And of course, a giant picture of every Exec over at Earthbound Farm, so you know who you’re legally bound to kick in the shins.

Include some delicious cooked-spinach recipes from Emeril Lagasse for delicious E. coli free consumption. Correction: Emeril and delicious do not belong in the same sentence.

BAM!

Finally, a time-line of all the other ways mass-agriculture has almost poisoned us.

I still like spinach. It helped save my iPod.