The Greatest NY Times Ever

The Onion should not go to print this week, because the Times has savagely thrashed it in the humor department today.

The NYPD should take notes, because the German police have an outstanding recruiting strategy:

A plastic surgeon in Cologne who says he was cheated out of payment for breast enlargements has given pictures of the women’s breasts to the police, in the hope that the photos will help trace them.

I wonder how many German police officers offered to investigate this heinous crime.

And if only that Amish teacher had a gun:

[...] banning guns from schools simply makes them a safe, target-rich environment for anyone who wants to kill children for whatever sick reason he may have.

The only thing funnier than picturing an Amish teacher with a gun? This:

It would be far better if laws banning guns from schools were repealed, and school employees with permits to carry firearms were allowed — even encouraged — to carry guns onto school property.

It’s scary to think some like-minded people might be in a classroom right now, teaching ABC’s. “Don’t worry kids, there won’t be another Columbine as long as I have my rifle on my desk.”

Some school teachers barely know the subjects they teach. Others allegedly rape their students.

Yes, now this psychopath wants to add a gun to this mix. But it seems to me like the Mennonites have it under control.

God Bless America.